2001-09-06 - 12:13 a.m.

Yesterday was such a good day for me. And now today just turned out to be shit. I don't know what it is but I just feel like shit right now. It's just one of those days I guess. I really wish I had someone to just vent this kind of stuff too. But since my girl situation right now is at it's usual pace. I don't have anyone to really talk to. But well I just hope that someday that'll all change. But damnit it just hurts soo much sometimes to be this lonely. Now when I say lonely I don't mean I don't have any friends or anything. I have some of the best friends I've ever had right now. I mean in my heart I'm lonely. I fell so empty inside sometimes. Maybe this is how it's meant to be for me. Maybe I screwed up long ago and missed my opertunity. A good friend of mine always tells me it all happens for a reason. But it's been so long. Oh well I will just have to accept this state of numbness for the time being. Besides I've gotten pretty good at it in the past few years. I leave you now with sumthin I wrote a long time ago: Its been so long since it happened

To me it seems like a life-time

an eternity

an endless nightmare

when will it end

WHen will I wake from this dream

I thought I was living in a dream world

it was too good to be true

To much happiness to be true

To little disagreements

Now there is nothing

Am I now dreaming

or was I dreaming then

or both

I do not know

Its too bad

there is no one

to help me

I can't help but to look for help

I've never dealt with this kind of thing before

its all so new to me

as was it then

I didn't know how to make it last

how to work things out

I didn't know what was important

All i was concerned with was you

and your happiness

above all else

Including myself and my happiness

I only wanted to give you the world

and to share all the good things in it with you

now I can't

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last five entries:
- - 2012-06-06
I'm the only one that knows what today is.... - 2007-02-10
- - 2006-12-25
a few months overdue - 2006-09-18
- - 2006-06-15
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