2004-12-16 - 1103262937
I've been sittin here for awhile thinking about some things.All the plans I've had that have fallen through. There's been quite a few. Nothing ever turns out the way I imagine it. I may be setting my sights to high. But I always set them as high as I believe I can reach. I'll get most excited about something when it involves certain people. They never have no idea what I'm thinking. I'll usually think about it all day long. Only to be disappointed and upset when things don't work out. Yet I never let anyone know.
Now these are never really elaborate plans. Most people would look at them as petty or stupid. But the small things and moments are what I look forward to and love the most.
I've been told I'm a pessimist. In some ways it's true. I always hope for the best possible outcome, but have come to expect the worse. Well maybe not the worse possible outcome, but I'm prone to expect failure. And until I can find some way to stop thinking like that things won't get better.
I don't have much goin for me these days but I'd like to try and regain my positive attitude. And I keep telling myself the things that will help me. But another part, the realist part, is telling me that it's only a temporary fix.
Then again, nothing lasts forever. I'd like to think there are things that will last forever. It's just not true.
It's funny how I can admit simple things like these to myself. However, other simple things I just don't want to accept. I always seem to try and go back to things I know are good and safe. I'm not afraid of change. I just don't jump at the chance to accept it.
I would give up evertything....
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last five entries:
- - 2012-06-06
I'm the only one that knows what today is.... - 2007-02-10
- - 2006-12-25
a few months overdue - 2006-09-18
- - 2006-06-15